I am in love with an abusive guy; but I'm telling you that he frightens me.
What am I not saying?
I'm hoping you will help me change him, even though I know that you can't.
I am sharing with you one of my most humiliating secrets.
Part of me wants you to talk me into walking away, but if you try I will fight your every suggestion.
If you tell me I'm in serious danger, I'll minimize the abuse.
Tell me anyway, I need someone to contradict the horror I'm living.
When you talk to me about what my children are witnessing, I'll insist that he is a good father.
Mostly I want him to change, and I want you to want that from him too.
I've been afraid of him for a long time, but sometimes he is exceptionally kind.
My partner tells me I that can't live without him, and I worry that it maybe true.
Remind me of who I am, even if I've forgotten.
I believe that nobody in the world knows about the abuse, even if others have talked to me about their suspicions.
If you provide options, I will insist that there is nowhere for me to go.
When you offer money to help, I'll have excuses for why it won't be enough.
As often as possible, I'll blame the abuse on external factors or other people.
Don't let me ignore the fact that you are trying to help.
Part of me is trying to regain control over what feels like an impossible situation.
I am hoping you will be a hero, but that you won't upset my abuser while you save me.
When you take time to find solutions, I won't follow through because I'm still unsure of myself.
Mostly I believe that I'm unlovable, and that is why I am suffering.
Ask me what I want you to do. I may not know, but your question will help me think differently.
I've invested much of myself into making this relationship work, it hurts to think about letting go.
I do want things to change, but I'm scared of moving on without him.
When I am alone, I research abuse to figure out if what I'm experiencing is really domestic violence.
Part of me hasn't admitted to myself that I am a victim, and I've never said it out loud.
Listen and support me, because if I'm talking to you I'm grieving a profound loss.
Don't ask why I don't just 'leave'. Instead take a minute to hear what I'm not saying and then you will more fully understand. Thinking about making big changes in our lives is always part of the process. Allow me to think and choose my path, rather than insist that my choice is simple and you know what I need to do.
Our authors are just a group of caring individuals who are passionate about letting others know about domestic violence. The posts provided are intended to provide information only. If you have questions or concerns we strongly recommend that you contact a professional who can help you sort through your unique situation.