Misunderstandings like this happen all the time. Most grown adults have the skills necessary to take those misunderstandings and handle them in a generally respectful manner. Respecting one another during a disagreement means that both persons are treated with general respect.
In this situation, respect isn't exactly what occurred.
The disagreement began with private messages back and forth. This woman insisted that I was wrong and I told her that I didn't want the drama, but she could pick up items or choose not to and that was her decision. What she decided to do was pretend to be picking up the items and when she arrived she begin loudly lecturing me on how the yard sale site is run. She stated her case and I responded with my rebuttal. This continued for a little while. Then I told her that I wasn't going to engage in the conversation anymore. When she began to be rude, I reacted by asking her to leave and instead of leaving she continued to state her case with more volume. I asked her again to leave then turned around and began walking away. She said that she was going to report me and drove away. She did report me, and then decided to text me one last time about her discontent. I didn't respond.
Was this interaction abusive?
Disagreeing with one another wasn't abusive, however the situation did cross over that line to abusive when the woman used meeting with me in person as a way to escalate the disagreement. This manipulation created an abusive tactic commonly known as emotional manipulation. She used the face to face interaction to help increase her position while limiting my ability to stop engaging in the conversation. It is this action that created the imbalance of power and that is where the abuse began.
Did the interaction hurt me at all?
Honestly, yes it did. I'm extreamly sensitive to yelling and the type of body posture this woman used. I will avoid conflict whenever possible because I hate this kind of interaction so much. She doesn't know that I was as upset as I was, because I decided to maintain my power by not engaging in further conversation with her.
Did the interaction cost me anything?
Yes, there is a chance I'll be banned from the yard sale site. Since I'm moving I would prefer to sell the items that I have on hand rather than throw them away. However, I may not be able to sell if I'm banned from the site. There are obviously ways around this, and I'll probably use some of those tactics when the time comes because I refuse to surrender my power to a bully.
What makes this interaction worth sharing here is that it is a perfect example of the types of bullies one might encounter in a day to day situation. I was not in a relationship with this woman, but I am willing to guess that manipulation and emotional abuse is something she uses to maintain control in other difficult situations. The way she chooses to engage in disagreements wasn't about me, but is more of a learned behavior. Sadly, bullies do what they do because it usually works to get others to do what they want.
By refusing to give her the power that she craved, the situation between her and I simply couldn't escalate. In a day or two I'll have completely forgotten about this situation, but if she is used to getting what she wants then she will probably struggle for awhile with finding a way to regain the control that I refused to give her. So long as I maintain my strict boundaries with this woman it doesn't matter what she chooses to do, because I will not loose control of my own ability to choose who and how I will be doing future business on the yard sale sites.
Walking away and refusing to engage are both ways that anyone can use to deal with everyday bullies in their lives.