Written by an Amazing Survivor. (Shared with permission)
You to another person: Excuse me, you accidentally stepped on my foot & it hurts.
Other Person (normal): Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! Are you okay? Please forgive my clumsiness. May I get you some ice for your foot? I will make sure I am more careful going forward.
You: Thank you. It's all okay.
The issue is resolved. The other person takes care to be more careful about where they step & you are fine. The issue is soon forgotten.
ABNORMAL WITH A NARCISSIST
You: Excuse me, you accidentally stepped on my foot & it hurts.
Other Person (not normal/narcissist/abusive): I did not! I didn't hurt your foot!
You: Yes, I am afraid that you did. You stepped on it when you climbed over your chair.
Other person: Oh, like YOU'VE never stepped on anyone before. Stop being so self-righteous.
You: I'm not being self0righteous, I just pointed out that you stepped on my foot.
Other person: Oh, so I am a terrible person now huh? Well, you're no saint yourself!
You: I didn't say you were a terrible person. But if you step in someones foot, you usually say 'excuse me' or something.
Other person: Oh, now you're telling me what to say. I can't ever do anything right by you. I didn't even hurt your foot. I don't see any blood or anything. Why don't you just get off your high horse? I might as well just go kill myself because you hate me so much.
You: I didn't say I hated you. Why don't we just drop it now?
Other Person: Oh, so now you want to act like you didn't do anything. You're always innocent, huh? Remember the time you "accidentally" spilled Coca Cola on my shirt? I let it go. I didn't say anything because I am a nice guy.
You" This isn't about spilling coke on your shirt & besides I paid to have the shirt cleaned. Never mind, lets drop it.
And many of you know that the abuse might actually go so far as to stomp on your foot to show you what real pain is.
Understand with the latter scenario, that is what many who love an abusive partner deal with. There is no reasoning with them. The smallest incident (as in this scenario) becomes a huge issue. For them the gloves always come off.